radiumgirl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
radiumgirl) wrote2011-06-26 02:05 pm
radiumgirl) wrote2011-06-26 02:05 pm
The League of Extraordinary Fuck-Ups
It's been a bad week. Nothing spectacular, just continuing the trend of failing to find a job. I was surprised by what a nice weekend it's been though. I worked the open-afternoon shift at Adventureland yesterday so I could go to Rooney's party, and I hate opening. I loathe opening. I utterly despise opening. I don't know if Brad kept that in mind when he made the schedule or what, but he had me with Tyler, and I love Tyler. I gush about Tyler. He's absolutely the most precious human being on the face of the planet. He is, and I say this with a straight face, too precious for this world.
So, it wasn't a bad shift. It ended on a hilarious note when our replacements came in. At 17, Tyler is the youngest team member on the schedule and the rest of us, we suddenly noticed, are uncharacteristically old, as far as amusement park seasonal worker demographics tend to go. Tyler is already leaving us, only a month into the season. His family is going on vacation, and when he gets back, he has soccer camp until school starts, so it's just not worth it for him. This is his last weekend and we're all going to miss him. He's a delight. Brad said, "Have a nice life, kid." and Tyler got all pouty and said,"We'll see each other! And don't call me kid, you're like, two years older than me."
Brad, our Fearless Leader, is thirty.
This started a rousing game of "Guess my Age" and Tyler guessed that I am twenty-one, Molly is twenty-two, and Bethany is nineteen or twenty. We all laughed hysterically. Our real ages are twenty-four, twenty-six, and twenty-seven, respectively.
Tyler gaped, "Wow. You guys are old. Why do you still work at Adventureland? Don't you have real jobs?"
I deadpanned, "We're a merry band of fuck-ups."
Brad completely lost his shit and laughed so hard that he shot Gatorade through his nose, which sucked for him. Molly snorted and Bethany frowned and said, "Yeah. Pretty much."
At that point, the shift was over and Tyler and I had to drop our cash bags off at the revenue office on the way out. Tyler insisted on carrying my bag, "I feel really bad. That was kinda rude, what I said, wasn't it?"
"Eh. I mean, it is what it is. And you didn't say we were fuck-ups. I said we were fuck-ups."
"But...you're not. You guys are so awesome. And smart. And you all went to college-"
I shrugged. "And we all fucked-up in our own ways. Brad is lazy as shit. Bethany isn't rude but she tends to come off that way. I majored in English, a degree that is really only good for getting more degrees. Molly had a real job but she got laid off-"
"That's not her fault."
"No."
"And it's not fair."
"No, it's not."
"I feel really bad for saying that though."
I threw an arm around him and said, "Don't feel bad, seriously, no one in there is offended. We know what we are."
I thought he was going to cry right there in the midway. This is why he rocks at Guest Services. Also? He has Sam Winchester Puppy Eyes of Doom. You come up to him and you're bent out of shape over a cold corn dog and you might as well tell him that all of the kittens in the world just dropped dead.
"Dude." I said, "You're being a bigger girl than me. Stop it. I mean, it's not like our lives totally suck."
"Brad lives in his mom's basement. I thought he meant, like, for the summer, but he meant all the time. That's horrible!"
I opened the door for him and we lowered our voices because the full-time employees get pissy when the seasonal employees are noisy in the offices, "Tyler, I'm sure he's not living in squalor. I'm sure it's a very nice basement. Also? He's fucking Kelsey. So his life doesn't suck that much."
"Wait, Brad's fucking Kelsey?" Tyler's voice cracked and he handed our bags through the window. The revenue worker rolled his eyes when Ty ignored the sign-in sheet to give me a pointed look, "Is that even legal? How old is Kelsey?"
"She's my age, dude. Sign the fucking paper before Fred stabs you."
"Really? Is Kelsey a fuck-up, too?" Except it sounded more like he was asking, "Is Kelsey a superhero, too?"
"No." We swiped our time cards and started to climb the hill up to the employee parking lot, "Kelsey's a doctoral student."
So, it wasn't a bad shift. It ended on a hilarious note when our replacements came in. At 17, Tyler is the youngest team member on the schedule and the rest of us, we suddenly noticed, are uncharacteristically old, as far as amusement park seasonal worker demographics tend to go. Tyler is already leaving us, only a month into the season. His family is going on vacation, and when he gets back, he has soccer camp until school starts, so it's just not worth it for him. This is his last weekend and we're all going to miss him. He's a delight. Brad said, "Have a nice life, kid." and Tyler got all pouty and said,"We'll see each other! And don't call me kid, you're like, two years older than me."
Brad, our Fearless Leader, is thirty.
This started a rousing game of "Guess my Age" and Tyler guessed that I am twenty-one, Molly is twenty-two, and Bethany is nineteen or twenty. We all laughed hysterically. Our real ages are twenty-four, twenty-six, and twenty-seven, respectively.
Tyler gaped, "Wow. You guys are old. Why do you still work at Adventureland? Don't you have real jobs?"
I deadpanned, "We're a merry band of fuck-ups."
Brad completely lost his shit and laughed so hard that he shot Gatorade through his nose, which sucked for him. Molly snorted and Bethany frowned and said, "Yeah. Pretty much."
At that point, the shift was over and Tyler and I had to drop our cash bags off at the revenue office on the way out. Tyler insisted on carrying my bag, "I feel really bad. That was kinda rude, what I said, wasn't it?"
"Eh. I mean, it is what it is. And you didn't say we were fuck-ups. I said we were fuck-ups."
"But...you're not. You guys are so awesome. And smart. And you all went to college-"
I shrugged. "And we all fucked-up in our own ways. Brad is lazy as shit. Bethany isn't rude but she tends to come off that way. I majored in English, a degree that is really only good for getting more degrees. Molly had a real job but she got laid off-"
"That's not her fault."
"No."
"And it's not fair."
"No, it's not."
"I feel really bad for saying that though."
I threw an arm around him and said, "Don't feel bad, seriously, no one in there is offended. We know what we are."
I thought he was going to cry right there in the midway. This is why he rocks at Guest Services. Also? He has Sam Winchester Puppy Eyes of Doom. You come up to him and you're bent out of shape over a cold corn dog and you might as well tell him that all of the kittens in the world just dropped dead.
"Dude." I said, "You're being a bigger girl than me. Stop it. I mean, it's not like our lives totally suck."
"Brad lives in his mom's basement. I thought he meant, like, for the summer, but he meant all the time. That's horrible!"
I opened the door for him and we lowered our voices because the full-time employees get pissy when the seasonal employees are noisy in the offices, "Tyler, I'm sure he's not living in squalor. I'm sure it's a very nice basement. Also? He's fucking Kelsey. So his life doesn't suck that much."
"Wait, Brad's fucking Kelsey?" Tyler's voice cracked and he handed our bags through the window. The revenue worker rolled his eyes when Ty ignored the sign-in sheet to give me a pointed look, "Is that even legal? How old is Kelsey?"
"She's my age, dude. Sign the fucking paper before Fred stabs you."
"Really? Is Kelsey a fuck-up, too?" Except it sounded more like he was asking, "Is Kelsey a superhero, too?"
"No." We swiped our time cards and started to climb the hill up to the employee parking lot, "Kelsey's a doctoral student."
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*thinks*
I have a couple of brand new T-shirts, and I may have a sheet of iron-on alphabet decals... *dives into pile of abandoned sewing projects*
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