radiumgirl: (noob)
[personal profile] radiumgirl
 Today was my first day back at Adventureland. The park doesn't open for two more weeks, but it was some charity thing down in the picnic pavilions. I was told I would be escorting one of the costumed mascots because not only was our mascot going to be out and about, but our two sister parks' mascots would be making appearances as well. 
I got to the park and ended up in a suit after all due to a staffing snafu. I got to be Dunkin. Dunkin is a dragon. He's the mascot for the waterpark our parent company owns. I was peeved, but whatever, all I have to do is walk around and hug little kids, right? I can do that. 
I did it for about an hour. The suit was unbearable from the get-go and the humid, muggy weather today didn't help. Furthermore, since I was under the impression that I would be escorting, not dressing, I wore pants. 
The suit is wool and heavy. Dunkin' is plump and pear-shaped, so there's a ton of extra padding in his lower half that make walking a real work-out. Dunkin' also has webbed feet that like to trip each other up. Dunkin's head is a torture device, tall and top-heavy. Wearing it is like balancing a stack of books on your head while being smothered. I felt like I was suffocating as soon as I had the head on. 
But I'm a trooper, yo.  I was prepared to suck it up and hug some fucking babies. 
We had to dress in G-Serv and walk down to the festivities which were taking place about half-way across the park from our starting point. As soon as I stepped out of the G-Serv building, I tripped over my feet and my head went rolling across the midway. 
I was so padded that I didn't feel a thing and I literally laid there laughing my ass off while my escort scurried to retrieve my head and my supervisor scowled and a random kid pointed and screamed. 
Traumatized child count: 1
We got my head back on and wandered down to the crowd and I was okay for an hour. I hugged some kids. I took some pictures. I even danced. I was pleased with myself. Then I took a nice deep breath...and swayed. I instinctively shoved the head up and poked my nose and mouth through the seam in the neck, sucking greedily at the fresh air. My escort shoved my head down and hissed, "You can't do that."
"I need...to go back."
I could hear my blood rush in my ears and I kept gulping at air. I'm sure I was getting enough, realistically, but it didn't feel like it. I felt like the mesh over my facehole was smothering me. I needed to be out of the suit, out of the suit, out of the suit now. 
In retrospect, I think I went into some claustrophobic meltdown. I started pawing at the gloves, my collar, my head. My escort reminded me that I couldn't take the costume off in the middle of the park. She pulled on my arm and said, "C'mon. Keep walking. The sooner you get back, the sooner you can get the suit off."
I tripped over my feet twice and my escort caught me. After the second stumble, I was practically weeping. We were near my old ride section at this point. I remembered the phone in the pavilion and the merch counter that no one used anymore. I stumbled into the pavilion and hit the floor, ripping the head off and trying to pull my legs and my tail out of the sight of the passersby. 

It didn't work. A little girl started pulling on my tail. I groaned and jammed the head back on and promptly laid on my back. A little boy pulled his grandma over and leaned over the counter, "Look grammy, the dragon's taking a nap."
"I don't think he's napping." Grammy said and pulled Junior away. 
Traumatized child count: 3
I pulled the head up and ground out, "Get me water."
My escort shook her head, "We need to get your head back on."
I started crying, "Please get me water. Please. I can't breathe. I'm gonna throw up."
"We have to get you back!"
Before you think too badly of my escort, I'd like to point out that this is her first season at the park and she's only seventeen. Once I was coherent again, I apologized because at this point, I literally yelled at her. 
"I can't get up, Heather. You're gonna have to call for a cart."
"Okay. Okay, just put your head on. There's a supervisor coming--"
Then I barfed in a cleaning bucket I found under the counter. 
Heather disappeared and I went back to trying to burrow into the floor. 
The next thing I'm aware of is two supervisors pulling me up by my arms. My supervisor is in my face, shaking my chin, "Hey. Hey, you with me? Wake up, Mary. C'mon."

"I need m'head." I slurred. 
"Don't worry about your head."
"Dun wanna tram'tize the kids."
"You won't." 
"Gimme m'head."
I resolutely shoved it on and sank as far down as the golf cart seat would let me. I realized that my gloves were gone and threw a fit, but having relinquished the head, no one was about to give me back the gloves. As we inched our way through the crowed, several children commented that Dunkin' had no hands. 
Traumatized child count: limitless
I ripped the head, the cape, the boots off as soon as we got back to G-Serv. I peeled the top half of the suit off, but stopped at the waist, because it got hard. I barfed again and said I didn't want to talk to First Aid. I talked to First Aid anyway. 
Jake, my EMT, sat there for a good forty-five minutes, fingers clamped over my pulse, pressing a cup full of water against my lips. 
"How 'bout you get the rest of the suit off for me, okay?"
"Nuh uh." I grunted. 
"What if we help you?"
They helped anyway. 
After losing the pants, downing three bottles of water and a pack of fruit snacks, I grew more coherent. My pulse slowed down and Jake deemed me "okay, but if you get chest pains or can't breathe again or anything, go to the ER."
"Drink more water. Gatorade, if you can get some."
I spent the next two hours curled up on the floor of my supervisor's office. I woke up in time to process a season pass order and help the new girl balance her drawer and cash-out. I drove home and slept some more. I noticed a rash developing on my back and my legs. If I caught MRSA from that fucking nasty-ass suit, I'mma be pissed. 
And yes, I'm completely mortified at having the cart called for me. In six-seasons of Adventureland indentured servitude, I have never had the cart called on me. I was a badass. When I tripped over a pulley at the rafts, I duct-taped tissues to my knee and carried on. When I got stung by a bee while working the super slide, I shrugged it off and only brought it up to bitch about my bra strap rubbing the sore spot. I have only gone home sick once. And it wasn't my call.  My supervisor thought my carting the garbage bin from ride to ride looked...suspicious. 
It's the end of an era, kids. I'm so mortified. 


Date: May 15th, 2011 02:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tahirire.livejournal.com
Oh dear. *HUGS*

This made me laugh so hard I am memming it for future use. This is in no way a reflection on my level of sympathy for you.

Anthropomorphic Dragons should come with safewords.

Date: May 15th, 2011 03:38 am (UTC)
ladyjane: whipped cream and hand-cuffs. "Got Plans?" (Safeword)
From: [personal profile] ladyjane
Echoing [livejournal.com profile] tahirire's sentiments, while ROFLMFAO. *hugs* You deserve the Adventureland Medal of Honor.

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com

All things considered, it's pretty hilarious. I'm actually sad that my favorite tech guy isn't working this week because he'd get a kick out of it.

Date: May 15th, 2011 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sorarabbit.livejournal.com
Wow... you do have some adventures, don't you? Someday I hope to beat your tally of traumatized kids.

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
Get a dragon suit, a cape, and a dumbass seventeen-year-old to escort you in a crowded environment. You'll beat my tally in no time. :)

Date: May 15th, 2011 04:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wishflthinkr.livejournal.com
Wow. What a day. Don't feel bad, I'm sure about 90% of us would have done the same thing!

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
Oh man, the EMT was PISSED when he was checking me out. My supervisor called the other costumed people in for a break, and they were all just as red as me and the EMT was like, "YOU CAN'T STICK PEOPLE IN WOOL SUITS AND HAVE THEM MARCH AROUND IN 80 DEGREES WITH NO WATER."

And if my supervisor had a tail, it would have been between his legs.

Date: May 15th, 2011 07:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raindropfloss.livejournal.com
Uh, Heather is kind of an idiot. Seventeen? She should've known better. I don't care how new she is. That's bullshit. I would've strangled her after everything returned to order. You were like, totally having a heat stroke. Wtf.

Okay ... now that I have ranted about Heather, I will finish reading.

Oh man, don't you dare be mortified over that. I'm glad you're okay now, and that you had SOME smart people around you to help you out. Je-sus.

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
Yeah, no, Heather's pretty dumb. She said she was on the rides team but got kicked off. The season hasn't even formally started yet, so this means she had to be a tremendous fuck-up in training to get transferred already. That's impressive, right there.

Date: May 15th, 2011 07:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 4422shini.livejournal.com
That is horrible but also incredibly hilarious. Omg, I would hands down refuse to wear a costume like that. You are one hell of a trooper!!

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
I was not amused. Lol. It was awful. My boyfriend's sister actually used to be the park mascot. She dressed up every day for two seasons. I have no idea how she did it.

Date: May 15th, 2011 10:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thinlizzy2.livejournal.com
LOL - the horror and the hilarity!

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
Exactly! Haha!

Date: May 15th, 2011 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonfly-sg1.livejournal.com
Well, glad it was an end to an era and not YOU! *hugs* Gah was it humid yesterday! I was walking laps for Relay for Life, I can't imagine having to wear a massive costume.

I still think you rock;)

Date: May 16th, 2011 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
WHERE DID THE HUMIDITY COME FROM??? God, it sucked. I hope your Relay went well though!

At least now, I can say that I've experienced pretty much everything there is to experience as an employee at the park. If nothing else, my experience is complete.

Date: May 15th, 2011 08:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com

That's... that's... wow.

Date: May 16th, 2011 10:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com
I totally echo the EMT; YOU CAN'T PUT PEOPLE IN WOOL SUITS WITH NO WATER! That's like... torture. Health and safety, people! Health and safety!

I'm glad you survived to tell the tail tale. It's exciting that you're back though. More adventures to come?


Date: May 16th, 2011 12:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
I KNOW. Adventureland is really good at talking the talk and not so good at walking the walk...which I point out constantly.

Nice pun. *hugs*

Of course more adventures! I discovered that GABE is coming back to the park for work this summer after all and HE'S IN GUEST SERVICES.


Date: May 16th, 2011 02:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com
The pun was actually a typo, and I giggled so I left it in there. xD

Eeeee... Gabe! That is exciting. He's awesome, right?

Date: May 16th, 2011 02:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com

He was my supervisor back in rides. We pranked EVERYONE. We had such an epic bromance. And now we're both working in this teeeeny tiny little office together. It's either going to be awesome, or someone is going to break their nose.

Date: May 16th, 2011 03:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com
Yay! It's definitely going to be awesome. I'm routing for it to be awesome.

Btw did I tell you that now I've seen your fb I'm totally a Mary&Owen fan? Eeee. Your life is so fun.

Date: May 16th, 2011 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
Hahaha yay! As you can see, Owen is not Owen's real name. However, Owen CHOSE his super secret spy name, so its like, SPECIAL. Or something.

Have you seen the terrible things we say to each other? I don't think we've done it on Facebook lately, we keep texting each other stuff like, "I'm gonna hit you with a hammer this weekend." and "I'm going to smother you while you sleep <3." because we have really warped senses of humor.

My life has a fandom. I love it. <3

Date: May 16th, 2011 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com
HAHA. I missed the memo that it wasn't his name, I just looked over and yes! He really isn't. Okay, he's still Owen to me. Paul really is Paul, lol. XD

Of course your life has a fandom.

Really weird things happen to you, like insane rabid deer and super-adorable Marines who protect at home and abroad.


Yes. That's me kissing you. Heh.

Date: May 16th, 2011 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
...sometimes when I'm thinking of him, I inadvertantly refer to him as "Owen" in my head. Same thing with Chrissy. And then I feel like a dumb.

Then they mock me and I'm like, "I'M PROTECTING YOUR PRIVACY, YOU GUYS. SHUT UP."

God, no, it's true. My life is so bizzare. Sometimes I think about it and just laugh really hard.

Mwah! *tacklehugs*

Date: May 16th, 2011 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com
OH. CHRISSY ISN'T CHRISSY EITHER?! Tell me who she is so I can ship you two as well! LOL. All kinds of weird, I know that.

You are protecting their privacy! You're a good person! So long as you really are called MaryAnn, I'd be seriously worried otherwise. I'm sure you'd have chosen something else.

"You know, I am actually called radiumgirl..." XD

Date: May 16th, 2011 06:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] radiumgirl.livejournal.com
Hahahahaha, no I'm really MaryAnn. And my brother really is Chuck. Everyone else has fake names though. The original idea behind this LJ was to be able to tie it into marketing if I ever get around to finishing my book. These are the names I call everyone when I write about them so I can avoid lawsuits and all that fun stuff. Heh.

I'll email you their real names so you can stalk away.

Date: May 16th, 2011 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] si-star-x.livejournal.com
Oh, good! Good!

I understand your idea behind it all, haha. <3
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