How Hockey Led to a Pre-Move Meltdown, Four Months Premature

[radiumgirl]

I've decided to cheer for the Vancouver Canucks for the remainder of the NHL Playoff Season, mostly because I like their name, they've never done anything to deliberately screw with my Penguins, and they have twins, Basil, twins on the team.



Twins.

My brother is cheering for Tampa Bay because, "If they go all the way to the cup, we will have been defeated by a clearly superior team and there's no shame in that."

I said, "We blew a three-game lead. We should be swimming in our shame."

(I'm still pissed that I won't get to watch a playoff game on the lawn until...never.)

 

*sign* Tis a magical place, where the water bottles are full of beer and the grass smells like kielbasa and saurkraut. 

 

Owen confirmed that out in Kalamazoo, his office is full of Red Wings fans and he didn't get to watch any of the Penguin games because they're never on TV because hell-O, Michigan. 

 

I'm not going to be able to handle this. I call Owen constantly and ask him stupid questions like, "Does Kalamazoo have a pretty skyline?" because even ten years after moving here, the Pittsburgh skyline still takes my breath away. 

 

 

Oh baby, you're beautiful. 

Owen says, "Uh...Kalamazoo doesn't really have a skyline per se..."

 

"Is Kalamazoo's downtown thrilling and gothic and and lovely when it snows?"

 

"Uh. It's pretty flat. And I haven't seen it in the snow, Goom."

 

"Does Kalamazoo have bridges?"

 

"It has one bridge that I know of. It might just be an overpass now that I think of it." Owen pauses and says, "It's not Pittsburgh. It's not even remotely like Pittsburgh. And yes, your accent is going to stick out and you're going to be surrounded by Red Wings fans and people who have no idea what a Primanti sandwich is. But I think you'll like it. You can buy beer in the supermarket and they have medicinal marijuana and you have chronic migraines that totally qualify you for that shit."

 

"...and I can always take the Megabus back to Pittsburgh for the weekend to stumble around the Southside drunk with Chrissy?"

 

 

Everything good in life happens on the Southside. 

 

Owen said, "Of course you can. And we're only going to be three hours from Cleveland. You love Cleveland."

 

"I do love the Cleve. It's true."

 

"We won't be here forever, Goom. I promise. I look for other jobs all the time."

 

"Hey now, you said if I get into the PhD program, you'd commit to five years in Kalamazoo."

 

"UCSD just posted a job that's kinda up my alley."

 

"What's UCSD?"

"University of California at San Diego."

 

I paused, sighed, said, "...I could live with San Diego. I bet its warm there. I fucking hate snow."

 

"I'm not applying for it. I'm just saying...we'll have options." 

 

"Like coming back to Pittsburgh?"

 

"Like coming back to Pittsburgh."

 

"Or Cleveland. I love the Cleve."
 

"We've established this."

 

"Even Kent was okay, for a small town."

 

"You grew up in Derry, you have no room to judge small towns. You bitch about the non-existent skyline, but Derry makes Kalamazoo look like fucking Manhattan."

 

I had nothing to say to that because it's pretty much true. I mean, I stand in the middle of downtown Greensburg and I'm like, OH GLORIOUS CONCRETE, so I said, "You know what? Blow me."

 

"Present it."

 

And so on and so forth. 

 

Today will be spent cleaning up a submission for Glimmer Train that is due tonight. Tomorrow, I'm going to see Dylan Dog with Katrina and my brother, and at some point this week, probably Thursday, Chrissy and I are hitting up the Southside for Happy Hour at the Library (half-off drafts and appetizers hell to the YEAH) and because I saw a dress in H & M the last time we were there that I want to wear to the upcoming Adventureland Wedding on the 21st. Owen transferred half the cost into my checking account because, as he pointed out, "My paychecks are three times the size of yours and I was a sucky boyfriend last week and I'm sorry."

 

I'd round out this picspam with an image of it, but I can't find one, not even on the H & M website, but it's yellow lace with a black bow on the waist and it's going to be fabulous. If it's out of stock or whatever, right next door, at Urban Outfitters, there was a similar dress in red lace. I'd actually prefer the red. I think I look better in red. But Owen says his favorite color to dress me in is yellow. 

 

Owen is also colorblind. 

 

No, really. I'm not even being sarcastic. He had a really high fever when he was a BB. We argue over what color things are all the time and I almost always win by pointing out, "You know what? YOU'RE COLOR BLIND!"

 

Okay, kids. I'm off to do real work so that I can finally finally work on that For Keeps installment that has been nagging me ALL WEEK. 

 

"Writing is hard."

 

I hear ya, Chuck. Cheers.