I officially got the rejection from ShinyPants Inc. I got an actual letter, as opposed to an e-mail. I'm not sure if that makes it better or not. On one hand, an actual human being signed it. On the other...well...it's still a rejection.
So I'm not flying off the handle, actually. That's mostly just because I have to work tonight and I don't think that two weeks on the job qualifies me to waltz in with a hangover just yet. Weirdly enough, I'm updating here even though I've been ignoring phone calls from "Real Life" friends all afternoon. I'm sick of hearing that something will come along. I'm sick of hearing how sorry everyone is and how "you know, the economy just sucks right now."
And yeah, I realize that I'm suffering from the entitlement that plagues the Millennials. The "my-mommy-said-I-can-be-whatever-I-want-when-I-grow-up-so-why-am-I-stuck-doing-this-shitty-job" attitude that makes us insufferable and arrogant and whiny. The attitude that fuels Warped Tour, lol, and that's not a dis on Warped Tour. I've gone the past three summers and loved it. But I have no delusions about what it is.
It's just...I tried, okay? We all kid about how I spent college in a haze of pot smoke and beer and, yeah, I did. And you know what? It was a good time. But I graduated with honors and I presented at conferences and got published and held down two jobs and did volunteer work and looked out for my brother and took my fucking mother to court.
Chrissy says I need to stop beating that dead horse. She's probably right.
I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
Whatever. It's not like I want to be a cubicle drone. I just don't want to be a dishwasher either.
Anyway, on a less-sucky note, I got my Amazon order this afternoon. It softened the rejection letter a wee bit. I ordered the Supernatural score and Armageddon in Retrospect by Kurt Vonnegut. I love love love love love Vonnegut. He makes me giddy.I was reading Slaughterhouse-Five in the Adventureland break room the day I met Owen. He said it was part of what inspired him to talk to me.(Aww.) So, Vonnegut will make me happy. He's near the top of my list of people who are dead that I totally want to hang with.
