Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

radiumgirl: (extra cookie spn)
 I got hired at the Expensive Department Store on an as-needed basis. I'm not thrilled. I would have rather gotten at least part time. But it's something to go on, right? The manager who interviewed me was very nice and looked at my degree and asked, "Why aren't you applying for a corporate job?"

To which I replied, " think I should?"

Yup. Self-esteem: I has it. 

I had a second interview with Denny's Donuts. This one didn't go as well as the first one. The first interview was with this pretty cool manager that I kinda sorta know by name just because I used to spend hours downing coffee with my laptop when I still lived with My-Mother-the-Convict. He asked why I applied there and I said, "because I need to pay the bills until a real job comes along." 

He thought it was hilarious. 

I was warned that the second manager isn't as chilled-out and I took it to heart, but she still harped on the degree and how it wasn't fair to Denny's Donuts if I was just working there "in the meantime." Oh well. I just wish we could all be more honest in the interviewing process. I mean, no one applies at Denny's Donuts or McAuschwitz because they sincerely want to be a dishwasher. Even the lifers I've worked with at various suck-ass jobs were on the look-out for something better. 

That's not to say that I'm not taking these interviews seriously. But I just don't know what to say when I inevitably get the "You have a Masters degree in education. Why do you want to be a dishwasher?"

No matter what answer I give, it's the wrong answer. 

So, I have a technical interview for The Real Job That I REALLY REALLY Want tomorrow. Round 2, ding

It's a mad dash to Friday, kids. Friday is Owen's birthday. We don't have any formal plans. I'm waiting on Amazon to deliver his prezzies: a Green Lantern ring and Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. I love dating someone who is as big of a dork as I am. 
radiumgirl: (Dr. Horrible 2)
 I miss fiction. 

I didn't work on much fiction this summer because I wanted to do some serious work on Radium Girl. It was a good decision, honestly. I have a serious angle to write from.  I've really worked out what I want to say, what I need to say, and how I should say it which is much more focused than I was last December when I wrote the original essay.  

But I still miss fiction. Despite my crippling self-absorption, I do get sick of writing about myself. Especially right now when I'm constantly sending out resumes and cover letters and trying to talk myself up and sell the idea that I'm this great and wonderful person on an almost daily basis. 

Sometimes I really resent the people who have supported me throughout my life.
I can't always see what they see and then I feel like they lied to me about what I'm actually worth. 

Sometimes, Radium Girl is very frustrating to work on because I'm supposed to be talking about how much better things are, but I don't always feel like things are better. And right now, with my minimal job prospects, crappy car, boring-ass degree, and an apartment in a town I swore to God I would never move back to after high school...things don't feel much better. 

So for the sake of my sanity, I worked on some fiction for the past three days and it was a very nice vacation. I made some very minor adjustments to "The Boy Who Wanted to be God" and I'm going to ship it off to The Gettysburg Review in September when their reading period starts again. I did some heavy editing on "Forever" though I'm still struggling with whether or not to change from third person to second. Second worked so so so well with "The Boy Who Wanted to be God." It was so wildly well received when I presented in St. Louis (I mean, hell, it took first place) but I don't want to abuse second person. Its tricky to write in. It doesn't always work well and when it doesn't work, it really doesn't work.  It also gets a bad rap as some sort of cop out for writers who want to be accusatory without defining a target (confessional poets, I'm looking at you).  

By far, the most progress that I made on my vacay to Imagination Land was on "Tyler West" or, as I've recently begun calling it (and by recent I mean roughly six hours ago) Listeners. It started out as a short piece about coming to grips with tremendous guilt.  Two brothers are playing together when an accident permanently injures one and it's clearly the other's fault. 

And...that's as far as I got. Mike shattered Tyler's skull with an encyclopedia, rendering him deaf. To be continued...

I was pretty bummed about my writer's block concerning Mike and Tyler. I love Tyler. He has a pretty severe attitude problem, a foul mouth, and a great sense of humor. I wanted to play with Tyler some more. 

So I gave him Philomena. Tyler talks to Philomena in his head. She might be #1: a guardian angel. She might be #2: a weapon of mass destruction. She might be #3: a psychotic episode. I haven't actually decided what Philomena is yet, but some well-meaning people are going to think she's the latter option, leading to some ill-meaning people trying to exploit her for option #2 and poor Tyler just wants Mike to stop moping and bust his ass out of the cuckoo's nest. There may or may not be a super-secret underground something tying everything together. 

I don't know. It's all still very rough. I'm just delighted to have an excuse to play with Tyler again. 
Oh, and here's a link to "The Boy Who Wanted to be God" via Sigma Tau Delta. See, I can be productive.  

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